Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
