i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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