so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
