Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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