The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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