Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
