and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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