There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
