Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
