he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
