i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
