So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
