Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize