how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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