My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
