Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
