So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
