I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
