They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
two words: eviction party
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
