I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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