My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Congratulations! We have a period
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize