My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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