So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
