I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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