My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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