I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
