alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
