I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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