Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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