also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
