Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
