sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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