You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
