There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
