the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
