I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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