Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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