I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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