You're a womanizer and a bitch.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
