Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
