Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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