I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
