used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
