How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
