meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize