i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
