Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What did we do last night that was yellow?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
