connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
