There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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