I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
