yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
