If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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