New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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