What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish there were birth control emojis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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