Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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