Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
