Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
