So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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