hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize