Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
