I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize