So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
