i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
