The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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