remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
