She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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