just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
