Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize