Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
soo... how was my night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
