My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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