I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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