Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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