how can u be prego again
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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