Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
