How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
