pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
