i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
