I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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