Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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