those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
