girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
