I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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