I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
