She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
