okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
