I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
