I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize