you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
