You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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