I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
