Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
