So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
