No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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