dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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