you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
