I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
