i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize