put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
