i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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