I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
