i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize