Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
