So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
