She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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