Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
