What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
