Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bring me that man meat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
